I haven’t mentioned my back-burner project Alien vs. Predator: The Musical in a while. With all the discussions and concussions surrounding Spider-man: Turn Off the Dark, I thought I’d remind the world that I’m sitting on some stage gold here!
I can’t say I’m surprised that Julie Taymor’s show is so fraught with catastrophe, there is a long history of disastrous superhero musicals. Only one other hero has seen his name in the glittering lights of Broadway (though I hear that Bob Fosse often dreamt of a jazz-handed Hulk sliding split-legged down a barstool). Here is a clip from the 1975 television version of the 1966 Broadway show It’s a Bird… It’s a Plane… It’s Superman:
Pretty solid stuff. The original production of this Superman show featured a villainous troupe of “Chinese acrobats” in place of the mafia thugs so… it’s Superman!
Unlike Spider-man, which has been plagued by bankruptcy, injuries and Bono, most superhero musicals know when to die. Not much remains of the Captain America musical, which ended mercifully on the operating table in 1985. I blame Reaganomics.
Another hero that never saw the opening night curtain is Batman. In 2002, Tim Burton tried to ruin more childhood memories by enlisting Jim Steinman to write some choice cuts for a show destined for the Tony’s. Here Steinman sings the Joker’s song “Where Does He Get All Those Wonderful Toys?” Be sure to wait to the end to hear the sublime Slim Shady riffing. Holy Casio-keyboard Batman!
Fortunately for the franchise, Christopher Nolan’s reboot saved the caped-crusader just in the knick of time freeing Burton to ignore different source material.
I do have to hand it to Spider-man: Turn Off the Dark for really trying to convince people that they are sincerely interested in mounting a production that Spider-man fans are interested in rather than feeding their billion dollar egos. I wish their hubris well and hope they can make more money off the backs of a franchise that some people genuinely connect to. Not me, I liked Venom.
Enough about that, Alien vs. Predator: The Musical is a completely different case! Besides would you rather watch this:
So as always, superstar producers and billionaire playboys are urged to contact me about this ground floor investment opportunity.